Awkward Encounters of the Elderly Kind
by oneperfectfit
Summary: It only stands to reason that Puck's grandmother can strike fear into the heart of even the likes of Rachel Berry and, of course, Puck himself.   Minor spoilers for Grilled Cheezus .


Look. For a tiny old lady, his nana is fucking terrifying. She isn't like the rest of the ladies in her bridge club. She spawned his _mom _so you know, she's like the Jewish Guilt Machine 1.0. So when she texts him to tell him to put on a nice shirt and meet him at temple? He's fuckin' there, man.

Also, curses sound so much nastier when they're flung at in Yiddish. (And more badass, but no one else at McKinley would know what they mean because Rachel only knows Hebrew so she can't understand a word he says there, though there is Jacob ben Israel, and yeah, that was totally sweet. Jerk deserved to be told _es zol dir dunern in boykh un blitsn in di hoyzn_, seriously. Puck is not joking around with that creepster.)

Plus, Nana sometimes bakes him muffins and shit like that after, and that makes it worth putting on the douchey shirt and apologizing for his mohawk and how the yarmulke won't stay on it and everything.

So he's there, and he's praying, of course he's praying because even though Kurt can be kind of a little bitch sometimes not having a dad is something he wouldn't want to wish on anyone, and so he's saying the Hebrew, feeling the unfamiliar shapes over his tongue because his nana doesn't like him praying in English- it isn't the language of their people, she says, even when he points out that it's Germanic in origin just like Yiddish (whatever, Wikipedia is fun to click around sometimes) and the rabbi is all, "God will listen no matter what" but he's making his nana happy. He's in the middle of the blessing for surviving illness or danger- _Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha olam, ha gomel lahayavim tovot sheg'malani kol tov_- when Nana elbows him in the side sharply. He huffs out, because _goddamn _she has pointy elbows.

"Nana." Puck looks directly at her. "What the hell. You just interrupted God."

"Don't curse in the temple, Noah." She smiles at him all innocently, just like his sister when she wants him to buy her chocolate. "Isn't that that Rachel girl from your music club? The one you dated for a week? I liked her so much better than that awful Santa girl."

"_Nana_." Puck groans. "I only dated Rachel because she's _Jewish_, okay, and-" which, you know, fuck him he shouldn't have said that because now Nana's going to be all 'Team Rachel' and side with his mom and give him the speech about Jewish grandbabies and being a role model in the community and how his hair is an aberration and just... ugh.

He looks up, and he's even more screwed because Rachel's giving his nana a hug. "Nana Kaplowitz!" She's smiling all warmly and looks over to give him a giant grin and a wave too, and yeah, Nana's going to be making posters or shit like that now too.

"Rachel!" Nana's squeezing her really hard; Puck is worried for Rachel's ribs. "I was just talking to my bubbeleh about you!"

Puck looks over at Rachel, gives her the look that says _do not ever bring that up to Finn. Or in Glee. Or in anyone ever. Or I will bring up that one time from elementary school at the JCC you are truly, genuinely embarrassed by. Got it?_

Rachel seems to get it, because she nods at him and smiles back at his nana, who has an expression more joyful than when he took her to see _Inglorious Basterds_. "You and Noah used to be such a cute couple! Such a pity you didn't last longer than you did."

"Well, I actually have another boyfriend now." Rachel bites her lip and smiles again, but it's way more awkward. Puck sends her a _told you so _look. Except now they're both fucked, of course, so there's that.

"Is he Jewish?" Rachel shakes her head, and his grandmother, all matchmaking evilness spilling out, frowns. "But then who's going to give you nice healthy Jewish babies then? Not your boyfriend, certainly not. Now Noah, on the other hand..."

Rachel's blushing and squeaky and totally mortified. While it's kind of funny, Puck is going to have to take his nana away somewhere else, maybe so she can yell at the rabbi about fund raising or whatever. That usually makes her happy.

He sends Rachel a _this wouldn't have happened if you'd let me touch your boobs _look for good measure though. Just in case.


End file.
